Letters to my Soul

Dear Indecisive side of me,

Which is worse? To be stuck in a loveless marriage or to grow old alone?

Scared,

Me

Dear Inner Emotion,

I’m scared. I have killed a lot of my emotions. I no longer feel hatred towards anyone or anything; I no longer become enraged by people; I no longer sympathize with people.

I want those feelings back.

I want to hate so I won’t cling onto memories of people who have hurt me.

I want to throw an anger fit so all my bottled feelings would be liberated

I want to sympathize so when a friend calls me in the middle of the night crying I could give a fig.

Emotionless,

ME

Dear Present Me,

I just received an email from…myself…well the future me. Apparently I sent it 3 months ago. Here’s what I said:

Dear FutureMe,

Hope today you are in a good mood. i wrote this aug 30. it’s been
almost a month since you started at ***. hopefully u r still there. i feel u
r finally over that issue…ok maybe starting to be. if by the time u
receive this email u still haven’t gotten back in touch then why don’t
u email **** as a happy new year’s wish.

***** would be here in a month’s time.

b aware of ****…she doesn’t flatter u for no good reason

I sent myself another email. I should receive it on Jan 30th. I’m gonna bookmark http://futureme.org . I love the concept

Amused,

Me

Dear New me,

I have decided to make a list of all the people I wasn’t so nice to when I was the old me–you know the period in my life I was surrounded by toxic  people.

The reason I want to make a list is so I would never maltreat anyone ever again.  I’m scared of Karma. The reason people aren’t so nice to me is coz I wasn’t so nice to people last year.

Reformed,

Me

Dear Wanna live side of me,

I had not worn my seats belts for the last year or so….coz I honestly didn’t care…or rather didn’t want to survive if I was ever in an accident.

Today, I started wearing them again. Today I want to survive.

Smiling,

Me

Dear Guardian Angel,

Thank you for saving me from becoming another “Goodman Brown”. My faith was also lost, my faith in humanity was lost, my belief that there are pure good people out there was lost. I was seeing what Goodman Brown saw.

But, you my guardian angel, took my hand and led me into a journey within. I emerged serene. Unlike Goodman Brown, I am not gloomy. My faith? Well, my journey taught me to readjust it. Yes, evil does exist, and yes it does exist close to home; but no, people aren’t pure evil…they just mess up.

Grateful,

Me

Dear  Stupid me,

When will I learn not to let my emotions control me? I take back everything I said in the last post. Things are great now. She is my mother for God’s sake, of course we would clash once in a while. She is doing her best to change as well. I can’t really blame her for anything. She is 58 and this is how she was raised.

Regretful,

Me

Dear Evil side of me,

Is wishing the death of a “so-called” dear one devilish? …Peace would befall on everyone in our family if ’she’ is gone. I want her so gone, gone for good.

Pondering,

Evil me

PS. Ironically I don’t feel guilty for having such malicious thought

Dear Humorous side of me,

Being depressed isn’t all that bad. I have just realized that everytime I have a bout of depression, I lose weight :). Six months ago I lost 5KG in a month, and this time I lost 2 KG in 3 days.

Unfortunately now that my guardian angel grabbed my hand and pulled me out of this abyss and I am no longer in dire need to jump of any building, my appetite has return…kinda.

Smiling,

Me

Dear Guardian Angel,

Thanks Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for granting me patience to put up with “her”, thanks for sending me that uplifting email, thanks for giving me the courage to cry out my tears today, thanks for making me smile again today.

I feel so light now.

Grateful,

Me